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I totally will pretend it happened.

Well, it’s happened.  The most awesome of awesome.  You really don’t want to know just how long I’ve been waiting for this book.  Okay, so like when she first mentioned it, I was down.

The Bloggess

The Bloggess‘ book has hit the shelves.  Well, it’s hit my iBooks shelf this morning…and am I a happy camper! It’s pretty amazing that I downloaded this book at 9am, and here at 3pm, I’m more than half way through the book.  In fact, the only reason I’m typing right now is to SLOW MY ASS DOWN. Geez.  I have this horrible habit of just simply DEVOURING a book (thanks Ma’!) once I start  reading, and apparently its true.

Sure, I would get all frowny when she would take a week or two off from the website to go into hiding and write, but I knew it was for the best. I had to..I had a favorite blog now! I had never in my life had a favorite blog, but after reading her post about the 80 body parts she received in the mail, I was hooked.  (Oh, go ahead and read that post.  If you are in need of a giggle, this is it.  Trust.  I’ll wait.)

Okay, you’re back? Wasn’t it worth the interruption?

Anyway, if you haven’t bought the book, do it.  Zombies will pass your house when the time comes because you’re an awesome person.  Truth.

It’s nice to know that someone else in the world had a family member that was certifiable to others, but down right adorable to you.  I had an uncle that, after reading this book, I know that he and Jenny’s dad would be the best of friends. (That sounds weird, but…I RELATE TO THE BOOK, DAMN IT. DON’T YOU JUDGE ME. You know, if my uncle hadn’t have died in ’99. (Woah, morbid.  I didn’t mean it like that. I think I need to shut up  now.)

While, sure, my uncle wasn’t a taxidermist, he sure the heck did show up at my house  at the weirdest times with a carcass of some sort, deer usually, and string it up happily cleaning a deer like that was totally normal thing to do at 6:30 am on a Saturday.   I won’t even get into the time he gave my mom a goat to keep on the land she owned so we could eat it, like 4 months later on the 4th of July.  Dude, we had to totally feed and take care of this goat For. Freaking. EVER. (Okay, I don’t remember just how long it was but when you’re a kid, a weekend feels like it takes foreevvvveeerrrrrr..so that counts right?) only to have the  fourth come and go.

Well, my brother and I thought we were safe, you know? We played with the goat, fed and watered it, so we figured we just  ended up with a goat as a pet, as if that was totally normal.  That is, until the man showed up like a week later, and slaughtered the damn thing and cooked it up like everything was cool.  NOT. COOL. UNCLE ED! NOT COOL. Can’t say that the man didn’t warn us that is was a meal, not a pet.

For the record, I didn’t eat the goat.  I haven’t had goat since.. but I heard it was tasty. (Side note: I need to drink more Monkey Picked Oolong tea.  Because damn it.   I’m wired, and well, it is pretty damn tasty.) (I don’t think its really supposed to wire you but I’m weird, obviously.) (Shut up.)

Well, obviously I did go into the goat story. *face meet palm*  I still get crap over it cause I was severely bummed out about the dead goat.  (Again, thanks mom!) So, I’m just going to quit now, and go back to reading the book. You should read it too, because then baby unicorns will totally be found and survive and junk, and your hair will be all thick and shiny, and stuff like that. Yep.

P.S. I refuse to  tell you how long it took me to remember how to add that damn apple picture because wordpress is being an asshole and not working the way it normally does.

P.P.S. It was like five minutes..well, less than five minutes.  But still, it wouldn’t work.

P.P.P.S. Dear WordPress, please don’t get pissed off and delete this post.  Or, like my entire blog. Please? I mean, that wouldn’t be cool, and I’m sure you’d feel bad if I, like cried or something? Friends?

P.P.P.P.S. Asshole.

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