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An open letter to the vanilla bather…

Hi, I know its been ages but I have an excuse.  Really.  I don’t want to go into it at the moment but I will..Eventually. Instead, I’ll be writing about …well, whatever the hell I want, its my blog, isn’t it?


Dear Woman Who Sat in front of us at the theater,

Hi! While I know complaining loudly in an theater about how packed the seats were didn’t really win you any fans, I saw you looking at the seats in front of my husband and I. I could feel we had a connection. Let me just say, the glaring light from your cell phone throughout the picture, was entertaining! There’s nothing quite like having a sharp pain in the corner of your eyes every five minutes because the person who sits in front of you had to text! Thanks for that!

Ahhh! What is that fragrance I inhaled? I smelled something so awesome right when I opened my mouth to shove popcorn in..Thank you! Something along the lines of armpits and vanilla. While I loathe anything vanilla related to begin with, thank you for making it just that much more special! I know there is a watermark on the pic, but I can't read it. If you can, please go and visit, because with cartoons like this, its gotta be hysterical.

Thank you ma’am (See I said ma’am, even!) for teaching me my mother was always right. You bathe daily, you wear clean underwear daily, and you do not for the love of all that is holy, drown yourself in perfume.


P.S.  Momma always taught me to get rid of the evidence as well…

P.P.S. I probably shouldn’t have written that down.

P.P.P.S. Answer your phone, MOM!

P.P.P.P.S. Wait..its for something else…Yeah, that’s the ticket.

One response »

  1. The movie theatre texters are my fave. Are they giving somebody the play by play or painfully bored but glued to their seats with old gum and soda syrup so they can’t leave?


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