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An open letter to the bastard sitting behind me in the theater..


So, yeah, Hi. I know we don’t know each other, but seeing how you decided to park your hippy haired long ass duster wearing butt behind me and my husband, and decided to ignore all proper theater etiquette, I thought we should get a little more aquainted. Well, by “I”, I mean you. Because sitting in away that you’re sprawled out and yet still right up on my husband and myself, you made that decision for us. I thought everyone knew that if you’re in a row all by yourself, you don’t park your hippy butt right behind the only people in the row ahead of you. I bet you ignore the,”Don’t stand beside the only other guy using the urinal” rule too, don’t ya? Rebel.

Might I add that I thought it was AWESOME, that you seemed to bathe in LAVENDER AND VANILLA before joining us in the movies.  It’s almost like you knew that I was in so much hate with the two fragrances before hand. So much hate. I mean, really.  How did you know! Yeah, thats right. I said it.  I hate Vanilla.  I can’t stand it. It gives me a headache and even messes with my sinuses. I won’t drink it in a soda, not that I’m much of a soda drinker, but I won’t drink it in a soda. Just no.  Ew.  Lavender too..Its too much like Vanilla. Can’t stand the both of ’em.

Also, let me just say, laughing at the weirdest moments in Legion, well, that just made my night. Good guy gets killed in really bad manner..yeah, snickering was AWESOME to have in my ear. That..well, that just made it special. So, thank you for that. I mean, that was almost as awesome as when you took a phone call right in the middle. Really, don’t mind the theater patrons, we will just wait. Who needs to get lost in the movie when we can hear you give directions to your house? I mean, that might not be the smartest idea, didn’t your mother ever tell you that? But then again, I doubt it, because of the crap you did last night.

In summation, I really do hope you have someone go over to your house and laugh at you. Just laugh. I don’t want anything else. I just want you to be annoyed, a little freaked, and just plain put out.  Thanks. Hope you get a flat on the way home too, by the way.


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